Why We Dismiss What We Feel

Sultanna opened this conversation with something important.

Now I want to go one layer deeper.

Because the question isn't only about what happened.

It's about why we talked ourselves out of what we already knew.

As a clinical psychologist I have sat with people — men and women both — who looked back on situations and said the same thing:

I knew. I felt it. And I explained it away.

There is a reason for that. Several, actually.

The mind protects attachment. When someone is close to us — a partner, a person we trust — our brain actively works to preserve that bond. Recognizing the threat in someone we love creates cognitive dissonance. And the easiest resolution to that dissonance is to dismiss the feeling rather than confront the relationship.

We call it giving the benefit of the doubt.

Sometimes it is that.

Sometimes it is something else entirely.

The second reason is subtler. Within dynamics of intimacy and power — including D/s dynamics — questioning your own perception can feel like disloyalty. Like weakness. Like you are making something out of nothing.

That feeling is not always wrong.

But it is sometimes used against you.

So I want to ask you something direct:

When did you last trust your instincts completely — without immediately finding a reason to second-guess them?

Not in crisis. Not in extremes.

In the small moments. The quiet ones.

Because safety does not slip all at once.

It slips in the small decisions to stay quiet.

To not ask.

To not look too closely.

To not trust what you felt.

You are allowed to look closely.

You are allowed to ask.

You are allowed to trust what you felt.

If this conversation has brought something to the surface — you are welcome to speak here. You will not be dismissed.

Mistress Julia

Clinical Psychologist — Domina's Secrets